Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. I Am So Tired of Rape.

| November 29, 2016 | 9 Comments

I am tired of hearing about this violence over and over again.

I am tired of the brutality. I am tired of thinking about what it means to live in a society that even has something called, “rape-culture.”

Rape. Rape. Rape Culture. Victims. Survivors.  Vulnerable women, youths and children. Their stories. Oh, so many stories.

And now another one, closer to home. I was just told that a 14-year-old child of a friend was raped by her boyfriend. Same story. The same story I have heard so many times. As is often the case, this was her first introduction to what some term sex.

I remember the friends in high school raped by their boyfriends or their ex-boyfriends. Or both. We didn’t know that you could call it rape when it was a boyfriend or husband. Except, then we learned that, of course it’s rape.

Women I have met, friends along the way, women whose friends, sisters, brothers and acquaintances were raped. I know way too many stories and I am tired. I am angry.

What the hell is wrong with men?

I KNOW that statement will be upsetting to the good men who may be reading this. No, I am not talking about all men. I know there are good men; however, the majority of rapes are committed by men. And good men out there, you know this. Please read on to see what you can do to help. End of that discussion.

Why do rapists think that their behavior is behavior that they can engage in with impunity? Why do they assume they can get away with it? Because they do. Most of the time they do.

Boys who did this when I was in high school, got away with it. Their victims were scared to tell, scared to be hurt more, scared of the repercussions when they came forward.

Boys who do this in college, get away with it because girls are drunk and they won’t remember. Because victims can be shamed. Because victims are afraid. Because victims are confused.

Soldiers get away with it because their victims are helpless.

Men get away with it because many times they are stronger and their victims don’t have the strength, the ability or the knowledge to fight back.

Men get away with this because we let them, but more importantly, men get away with it because we live in a society where children are raised to think that the behavior is acceptable on some level.

Boys will be boys and the victims are blamed.  

I am so tired and angry. Here in the United States, we have elected Donald Trump to be our President, a man who has declared publicly that he has touched women against their will, forcing himself on them physically, and, well, we all know what he has said about women and other vulnerable groups. And yes, I am aware of Bill Clinton’s behavior. I’m not an idiot.

It makes me sick. This is all connected. All of it.

We need to teach our children, our future men and women, that rape is always wrong. We need to teach people to keep their hands to themselves until they are invited to touch.

We need to teach our sons the true meanings of respect and kindness. We need to demonstrate how to use the word no. We need to teach our sons what no means. We need to teach our daughters and sons that they can say no, and how to say it.

We need to teach our children what consent means. We need to demonstrate healthy relationships.  We need to live in such a way that we SHOW people how to treat each other with respect and kindness.

We need good men to step up and make their voices heard. We need the good men to stand up to other people when they call women names like slut, whore or worse, and when people make jokes about violence and assault. We need the good men to refuse to engage in conversations denigrating women, and to speak up to other men.

We need good people to demonstrate human behavior that is kind, thoughtful and respectful. We need all these good people to stand up for the vulnerable. We need all these good people to take a stand and risk embarrassment.  

We need to become these good people who speak words that mean peace, equality, love, acceptance and empathy. We need to become people who take action in a powerful way, without more violence but with love, respect and strength.

We need to be determined and we need to decide to be the change we want to see in our world.

 

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” –Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

 

 

 

Please like & share:
Pin It

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Category: Diana Fletcher Stress-reducing Expert, dicoach, Happy on Purpose Daily Messages of Empowerment and Joy for Women, Life Choices, Safety, Uncategorized, Women, www.thoughtsbydiana.com

Subscribe to Thoughts by Diana

Comments (9)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Amanda says:

    I am so sick of it as well. We teach women “how not to get raped” but as you said, I feel like with men we take the attitude of “boys will be boys.” I am sick of men, even good men, not understanding the fear we live with as women.

  2. Michael says:

    I think the idea that rapists need to stop raping and the culture needs to become more anti rape is true and good. I’m not sure how much faith I have in that happening though. I don’t think it’s realistic to ever expect people to care about a problem as much as the people suffering from it (primarily women). In the United States at least, gun ownership is an option for anyone without a criminal background or mental illness. I think there should be more emphasis on material self defense that doesn’t rely on physical strength. This isn’t because I’m blaming the victim, I just think that if there were stories about attempted rapists getting shot and killed for not keeping their hands to themselves even the scumbags (the people who will never ever stop supporting rape-culture etc.) might start thinking twice.

    • Diana says:

      Thank you for writing Michael. You have some really good points. The idea you bring up about guns may not be for everyone, but if what you are saying is that if men KNEW there would be serious consequences–as you say, the rapist being shot and killed, it may stop it, or at least slow it down. That is interesting. As I said in the post, rapists rape and know there is little chance of being punished…well, there you go. Your idea is definitely a punishment.
      In the case of defending oneself, that is fine for adults, but children–boys and girl–are raped. They don’t have guns. They just have society to protect them. We need to be the protection.

      • Michael says:

        Good point on children, and I don’t think guns are some kind of panacea but some people will only understand consequences and won’t change to be empathetic or sympathetic regardless of the environment around them

        • Diana says:

          There have to be consequences. Consequences can be reactions from other men, emphasizing the inappropriateness of their talk, behavior, gestures or more extreme punishment. Combination of both would work.

  3. WC&S Advocate says:

    Intimate partner abusers have a sense of entitlement – they feel entitled to get what they want, when they want it, no matter the cost. Their values and beliefs create and/or validate this sense of entitlement. An abusive partner believes they own (and thus, are entitled to) the person they are with. Feelings, words, actions, past, present, future…they all belong to the abusive partner (according to the abusive partner). So, it makes a lot of sad sense that an abusive partner would feel entitled to the body of their partner (or ex-partner, even). Isolation, possessiveness, control, threats of violence…all of these things contribute to the abusive partner’s ability to make the abused person feel responsible for the abuse. Many times when we have been working with someone who has been abused by an intimate partner, rape or sexual assault aren’t brought up in conversation by her. Of course, sometimes rape and sexual assault are not a part of intimate partner violence. However, if we as Advocates ask about rape and sexual assault we find that it is present so often. Where there is shame and stigma attached to intimate partner violence, there is even more shame and stigma attached to rape and sexual assault within the intimate partner relationship. We can help to decrease the shame and stigma by helping those who have been abused know that it is not their fault and that abuse can be present in many, many forms. It all comes down to entitlement. So, in that sense – we can also support ourselves and other women in feeling more empowered and entitled to have boundaries, feelings, and spaces of their own. And when that can’t be (e.g., in the case of abuse) we can support her in expressing herself and seeking safety.

    • Diana says:

      Thank you so much for writing. It is vitally important that we become aware of the prevalence of intimate partner abuse. I visited your website and would like to share the link for all readers who would like to learn more and possibly help you in your work.

      Click Here for More Information about The Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh

  4. Cindy says:

    This touched me so much. Our culture exhausts me sometimes in relation to the unacceptable treatment of women. But, with that being said, the fight must go on.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*