Have you forgotten how to listen to your own voice?

Have you forgotten how to listen to your own true thoughts?

Have you ignored your voice for a long time? Have you only listened to surface thoughts of frenzy and hurry?

Do you listen to others and assume they know more than you do?

You may have pushed down a voice inside that says, “I am important. What I feel is important. I have a right to be heard and to be me.”

Because you have pushed away that inner voice and locked it deep inside, it will take coaxing to bring it out.

You knew this voice once when you were a child. It was your friend.

You can bring it out to play but it will need to be done carefully, gently, quietly, and with a smile. It needs quiet to feel safe to come out. Too many times it has been hurt, and rebuffed. You must now lure it out with the kindest of words and with strength and courage.

You will do this by taking time for quiet each day.

You must listen closely for the tentative footsteps you will hear and the faint sound of your voice coming closer.  Be honest, strong and courageous.

Each day, if you pay attention, your voice will be heard more clearly. Your heart will hear it first, and send the translation to your brain.

Leave yourself open to the understanding. Keep listening. This is how you will know the truth of you.

Action Step:

Take 10 minutes every morning to sit quietly and check in with your body and thoughts. Notice feelings of doubt or anxiety. Pay attention to those feelings and figure out where they may be coming from. Tell yourself that you will continue to listen to the messages that your body and heart are sending you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Smile and know that you are going to be happy and that you are strong. Promise yourself that you will embrace your strength and beauty.

Start each day in this way. You will grow stronger and you will be amazed at what you discover about the wonderfulness of you.

Sincerely and Lovingly, Diana Fletcher

What if your life was exactly the way you wanted it to be? What if?  What if you could do anything you wanted to do, be anywhere you wanted to be, work anywhere you wanted to work, look the way you wanted to look….it’s really all a bunch of what ifs. This is the spark that starts a fire of change.

I use this in my writing. What if this character thought this? What if in my own life I had made a different choice? Can I use this for one of my characters? What if this had happened instead of that? Then what would happen? Why would that character choose that?

This is a point I am at in my own life. This latest transformation started last year with, what if I didn’t have my business anymore? What if I didn’t coach or pursue speaking engagements? What if I just let myself be a writer full time? As I played out daydreams of what this may look like, my heart raced and I often found that another part of me was saying, “Yeah, but…”  However, I let the idea live inside of me and I started talking back to the negative voice. And then I made a decision. Here I am. I am writing full time.

I would like to ask you to share your thoughts and come up with some what ifs of your own. This is a little bit of self coaching. You can let your imagination loose and ask yourself “what if?”  What if you moved somewhere else to live? What would that look like? What if you didn’t go to work one day, just because? What would you do instead? What if you had an extra two hours each day to do whatever? That answer may tell you what you need more of in your life.

What if you got rid of all your clothes and bought new? What would the clothes look like? What if you could go visit any place in the world for two weeks…where would you go?

It’s questions like these that remind us that we have choices, each and every day. We make the choices and although they can be difficult to make sometimes, it is that freedom that can help us live very happy lives.

Please share a “what if” that is a stretch for you. It can be silly, it can be serious…take a few moments to close your eyes and think “what if?” Please share it with us because you could be the spark that ignites your own or someone else’s fire.

1. Being mean to people and saying it is because you are “embracing your inner bitch.”
2. Being rude and impatient with people who are waiting on you or providing services.
3. Using your power just to use your power.
4. Being rough physically when it is not necessary.
5. Gossiping
6. Bullying.
7. Harassing
8. Being racist or sexist

What this does mean:

1. Standing up for yourself in a clear, determined manner.
2. Choosing to be viewed as impolite or rude if you react strongly to being threatened verbally, physically or emotionally.
3. Understanding that not everyone will like you and realizing that it is ok
4. Choosing embarrassment over putting yourself in danger.
5. Saying no when you want to say no.
6. Standing up for what you know is wrong.
7. Not backing down when you need to stand strong.
8. Looking out for those who need your help.

How about this? We change the word resolutions to promises.

Now it’s a whole new ballgame.

A promise is serious stuff. We don’t want to break promises. You would really, really try not to break a promise to a friend—why is it ok to break a promise to yourself?

So, here are 10 promises that I know you can keep.

(Just don’t call them resolutions! It will make a huge difference. )

1. Let go of a resentment. Every time the resentment comes to mind, say to yourself, “Oh, that is soooo last year!”
2. Stand up a few times each day and say, “Life is Good!”
3. Buy fruit. Eat it.
4. For one day, don’t talk about anyone else.
5. Pack or make a healthy lunch once a week.
6. Write a thank you note to someone.
7. Walk 10 minutes a day, even if it is inside your house or office.
8. Look through your closet and pick out five things you do not wear anymore. Start a bag for Goodwill, Dress for Success or some other group you know that needs clothes.
9. Commit to getting more sleep. (Tip: Try not taking your laptop or phone to bed with you.)
10. At the end of each day, think about 5 things you were successful with, no matter how small.

There, don’t those look simple? Look over that list again. This list touches on all of the important parts that will make your life happier: (And you know I am all about Happy!)

• Taking care of your health
• Being grateful,
• Being kind
• Sharing
• Letting go of what drags you down mentally and physically
• Stress Reduction
• Joy

Life is good when you keep your promises!

Last night I saw this quote posted on my daughter’s wall, along with other favorite quotes of hers.

But suddenly, this one, which I have seen many times before, hit me so hard, that I felt it squeeze my heart and not let go.

This is what my Mom feels about losing my Dad. They were married 62 years, and though my Dad was lost to her for years before his death, they were only apart for the last ten months. She saw him at least three times a week, and he seemed to always recognize her on some level.

It broke her heart to see him this way and she often felt frustrated with not being able to talk and reach the man she knew for so long and who was now gone.

She says she wants to die and she is waiting for him to come for her. My sisters and I grow impatient with this and it is upsetting to our children. We don’t want to hear it and it truly doesn’t help her to voice these thoughts. But suddenly, last night, I understood.

I don’t know what it is like to be 90. I don’t know what it is like to lose all the people I have known, though I have lost many who have been important to me, and whom I loved.

I don’t know what it is like to not be able to do what I could formerly do and move slower and be unsteady without a walker. I know what I hope I will be like, but who can be sure of how we will feel 40 years in the future?

We want her to be happy. We want her to enjoy her life now as much as possible. We want her to move on and we grow impatient.

But, I finally understand. The heart squeeze I felt last night made me think of everyone I have ever lost, and everyone it would hurt to lose.

I wanted to cry thinking how I would feel if my husband died and I was here, on earth, without him.

What would I feel like if I lost my sisters? My Mom has now suffered many of these things.

Many women and men have. I have now caught a glimpse of the sadness and the ache they feel. My ache for my father is different. It is painful, but different.

Part of the feeling that overcame me last night is the feeling of sadness I always get when I leave Michigan and people I love. We were there for the weekend, and it is always hard to leave. The drive is the transition that helps at the same time that it adds to the ache. Five hours away is five hours away.

As usual, I look for the lesson, the take-away, the thing that will help me. I must always remind myself to enjoy the present. The not-so-little gifts of laughing and hugs and talking. The sharing and the unspoken gestures of closeness and love. The gift that friends and family give just by being there, with me, at the moment they are with me.

Because, at some time, they will go where I cannot follow. Now I want to cry again.

I was used to drinking coffee all day, every day. Ok, not in the evening, but pretty much as much as I wanted up to about 2 pm.

I also used and still use, large mugs. I love interesting coffee mugs. I drink half decaf, half regular with lots of skim milk.

I have been unsuccessful with this attempting-to-cut-down-on-coffee thing many times.

This is what finally made sense to me:

I thought, “this is a habit like anything else. I have quit smoking, one of the hardest things ever. I can do this! I can change a habit.”

So, at the same time I committed to doing this, I decided to increase my vitamins. I was so sick of being tired that I thought other changes were necessary. Now I think I may have introduced too many variables into the experiment, because I am not sure what gave me these results; however, I don’t care, because the results are wonderful!

I am not tired at all during the day, and my sleep each night is deeper and better. I am not cranky-tired at night, just honest-tired. I have plenty of energy for the day and I don’t miss coffee. I do tend to think it is more the drastic change in the amount of caffeine rather than the surge of vitamins, but the vitamins help.

So, if anyone else knows they need to do this, and wants to make the commitment to feeling better, living better, and breaking the addiction or habit or whatever you want to call it to coffee, here is how I did it.

1) I got disgusted with being so dependent on something. (So, first, be disgusted.)

2) I got tired of being tired. (Examine you–are you tired all the time?)

3) I created some rules. For example: I would not stop anywhere for coffee when I was out. That would eliminate a lot of extra caffeine in my day. (Prepare for the problem areas that exist in your caffeine world.)

4) I let myself have 2 big mugs of coffee in the morning, and truly savor the taste and smell. (Enjoy what you are experiencing at the time you experience it.)

5) I drank lots of water. (Always a good idea.)

6) I took vitamins with every meal. (You may want to do some research about what additional vitamins you need. I went to Dr. Weil’s site for this information.)

7) I planned for lots of extra sleep, especially in the beginning. (Stop making excuses and get more sleep.)

 I kept a log to give myself props and see my progress. ( Patting yourself on the back for your progress is always helpful.)

9) I continued to stay away from places where I would be tempted to have coffee. (You need to be aware of how quickly you can fall back into bad habits.)

10) I went to Teavana and picked out some really tasty, healthy, no caffeine teas to have something different to drink.

So, that is what worked for me.

Your addiction may be soda or caffeinated tea.

This is what I know: My results have been wonderful. I hope this can help you or someone you know who struggles with this addiction.

None of them reported the rape. There were a variety of reasons: shame, fear, embarrassment, and often, not realizing that the assault was actually rape.

I had two friends who were raped in high school; one by her boyfriend as her introduction to sex, and another by an ex-boyfriend. This particular young woman told no one because of the fear that her current boyfriend would go after him, and she was scared that the rapist, being bigger and meaner, would hurt him.

A friend of mine was raped on the beach, at knifepoint, while on vacation. She did not tell anyone until she got home and told her husband.

There are so many things to consider when violence occurs. Today I want to address the part that alcohol may contribute to assaults.

I know many women who have had too much to drink and have lost control of  situations that ended in rape. Many do not even realize that it was rape. It was.

College offers an abundance of opportunities to be taken advantage of sexually. This is also rape. When one person is forced to have sex in any way, or if one person is drunk and unable to say when she wants something to stop, this is rape.

I can think of quite a few friends who were raped after college drinking/parties or other instances when they were drunk.

One of my fears, having daughters, is the prevalence of “date-rape” drugs. My friends and I warn our daughters about watching their drinks, etc, so nothing can be slipped into them.

But, I think the drinking itself should be addressed. More young women will experience violence and assault when there is alcohol involved than people will ever fully realize because these acts are never reported.

Men, under the influence of alcohol, may behave in ways that we could never imagine. This can be dangerous for all women.

But what about women drinking alcohol?

When drinking, a woman is taking the chance that she may use poor judgment in picking company or choosing destinations. She may not be able to accurately assess situations. She may misunderstand signals that would be clear if she were sober.

So, does this mean women are not allowed to drink because they are women?

Sadly, it means we have restrictions on us because of the way the world is.

Is it fair? No.

Is it reality? Yes.

And we should teach our daughters about this. We should remind our friends.

Fair has nothing to do with it. If life was fair, all men would have a curfew so that all women could go out at night, at any time of night, wherever they wanted to go and stay safe as a result.

If life were fair, many things would be different. There are situations we can control, and there are situations we cannot control.

We need to teach our young people the difference.

We need to think about what we ourselves can control. Control what you can control. And do your best to stay safe.

People were in awe of her and wanted so much to be like her. They tried to imitate everything she did, and it was impossible. This made them feel very bad about themselves. And then one day, they realized that she wasn’t real. The truth was that she was a figment of everyone’s imagination.

No woman can do it all. There is no such thing as true balance and it is only in our imaginations that other women have found the secret to achieve balance. And when we think this, that other women know how to do it and that other women never feel insecure and have everything under control, we measure ourselves against this image, and of course, we fall short. We feel bad about ourselves, and women, it is time to stop thinking in this way.

There are some strategies you can use to feel more balanced, but life has ups and downs. Some days are better than others, and some times are more difficult than other times. If you want to feel good, if you want some balance, you need to stop doing some of the things you are trying to pack into your life.

I like this saying I heard recently: “You can do anything you want, but you can’t do everything you want.” And I like to add, “at the same time.”

I would like to suggest an exercise. Make a date with yourself for ½ hour. Have paper, pen and quiet. Make a list of everything that is important to you. Let the list go on as long as you want.

Now group them in A, B, and C groups, using A as the most important.

Now pick one thing from the A group that you feel you don’t do well, and concentrate on that for one week. Observe yourself and see what you are doing that prevents you from achieving balance in this one area.

The way to achieve balance is one step at a time. One minute at a time, you make the right choices. The minutes of your life add up to ….your life.

If you are saying that your health is important, then why are you going without sleep? If you are saying family is important, why do you insist on being on every committee? If you want to exercise, why are you making it a big deal? Go for a ten-minute walk everyday.

There are not enough hours in each day to address all our needs and wants, unless you are very fortunate and have tons of help and money.

Take responsibility for the decisions you make each day.

Take responsibility for the way you treat your body and your health.

Take responsibility for your life.

You do not need an expert to help you balance. You are the expert in your life. Own it, and get balance one minute and one choice at a time.

Diana Fletcher © 2011

Are we just getting “used to” this very serious problem?

Obesity Stats by Laura Crooks

Americans get fatter each year. We can be so accustomed to seeing overweight people we have lost touch with the problems associated with it. Carrying extra weight is not only uncomfortable but it increases the chance of developing certain diseases and increases your chance of dying.

• > 300,000 US deaths each year are due to obesity (CDC)
• almost 2/3 Americans are overweight or obese (CDC)
• overweight is a BMI (body mass index) of 25-29.9 (CDC)
• obese is a BMI >30 check your BMI at http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
• obese people have a 50-100% increased risk of mortality
• excess body weight is associated with an increased risk of death
• obesity and overweight is the 2nd leading cause of US deaths (tobacco use is #1) (NIH)
• estimated medical costs for obesity in 2008 was about $147 billion
• the annual direct medical cost of US childhood obesity is $14.3 billion
• obese patients can easily be on 8 medications to control cardio-metabolic symptoms of obesity without directly treating obesity (hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol, insulin sensitizers…)
• over 60 diseases are caused or affected by obesity: gout, cataracts, phlebitis, stroke, osteoarthritis, infertility, abnormal menses, high blood pressure, diabetes, congestive heart failure, some cancers (breast, cervical, uterine, prostate, kidney, colon, pancreatic, liver), sleep apnea, hypoventilation, asthma, gall bladder disease
• obesity is a pro-inflammatory state (cellular inflammation causes many chronic conditions)

The American healthcare system has some barriers to treating obesity:

• obesity alone is not a billable diagnosis
• clinical guidelines for treatment are not widely available
• there is little support within the healthcare community for treating obesity
• there is no obesity disease registry
• there is no active patient outreach
• care for obesity is disjointed and not team based (communication and referrals between dietitians, doctors, support groups…)
• hospital equipment is not designed for the obese (ambulances, blood pressure cuffs, operating tables, scales, wheelchairs…)
• lack of understanding about causes and treatments of obesity
• the unspoken but present discrimination against the obese

The prevalence of obesity and it’s role in so many diseases can make it scary enough to avoid. Which motivates you to keep your weight in check, avoiding the complications or gaining something positive like improved health, appearance and function?

About Laura Crooks:

I am an RN, speaker, and certified wellness coach living inPittsburgh, PA with my husband and children (plus the bunnies and leopard gecko). I help experienced dieters keep the weight off permanently – from the inside out. Your stress, sleep, moods, weight, values, appetite, exercise, and happiness are interrelated and making a change in one area positively impacts other areas as well. Permanent weight loss starts in your mind, not in your mouth!

For more information please visit www.YouBloomWellness.com .

We knew it was coming. These last few weeks, we have been preparing. My sister held the phone to his ear and we each spoke to him. We told him that we were happy and that we were ok. We told him we loved him and that we would take care of my Mom.

My sister said he slept a lot because he was given morphine. He had trouble swallowing because of the Parkinson’s and that would scare him and possibly hurt him. We didn’t want him to have pain. We did not want him to suffer any more indignities.

As he failed over the last 10 years, there was so much that he had to endure. The beginning, when he knew he wasn’t remembering and when his hands would not go where he wanted them to go. And as the years went by, he lost control of his physical movements, his sight, his balance and his choices. With the dementia, he would remember events and happy times from years ago and liked to talk about them. My husband would have conversations with him and fill in the blanks so that my father felt that he was having a conversation. My husband has known him a long time and was able to do this quite well.

I have missed my Dad for awhile. So many times, I wanted to talk to him about books and movies. Just about the time “24″ started, he was really struggling with making connections in movies and shows. He would have loved Jack Bauer. He  loved reading and he was very aware when he wasn’t understanding the words anymore. My heart started breaking for him right around then.

We will continue to read for him. I will continue to love stories and mysteries and think about being a detective or spy…for him. He loved that kind of thing. I love Westerns because of my Dad. I love stories because of my Dad. I probably love talking about my dreams and thinking about them because of my Dad. Many mornings or during dinners, he would regale us with long stories of vivid dreams he had. I miss that.

My Dad was so proud of us. There were so many things we did that would not have made him proud, yet he was. Always. He always loved us and that will stay with me forever. I feel it now, but I miss him so much.

This is what he left the world:

• Wonderful memories of dancing, laughing, and talking
• A love of reading
• People who were happy to have known him
• Smiles when we think of him
• Admiration from people who knew him
• Students who were lucky to have learned from him
• Wife, children,grandchildren and family who love him
• Silliness and a sense of humor that live on in my sisters and me
• Joy in the simple things
• Rebellious streaks in his offspring.
• A better world because he was here.

My Dad died. I am not sure this will get any easier to say.